Smatchet
by SneaselXRiolu
Summary: You know you're boned when you meet a smatchet with a smilet.


**Okay. Please refrain from looking up the word or skipping to the end to find out what the word means before finishing this story. Be left completely in the dark. That is all I request.**

* * *

One day the author of this particular story learned a great phrase. She learned what the words in the phrase meant, and was eexcited to use one of the words that stuck with her.

Luckily, on this day, she wanted to make some of her favorite food and went to the current show she was working on stories for. This was mainly because she was constantly posting chapters and new stories for it, and knew there was a store that packed practically everything.

As she walked in the store, she decided to multi-task from looking at her shopping list and take screenshots of cute OTP Prompts she could use for another story she was working on. Her hand brushed up against another's as she reached for something and looked down to see a familiar comedic wizard. She didn't have time for the wizard's shenanigans so she tried to leave him while he was in the middle of a story about him meeting someone just like this. As she turned away, a bolt shot passed her.

"Ugh! Did you just try to turn me to stone!?" The author cried.

"Yes!" The crotchety wizard confirmed. "Now hold still!"

"NO! I'M NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF BE STONED BY A SMATCHET!" That cause the wizard to stop in his tracks as a gasp rippled through the store. "Now if you please excuse me, I'm trying to find ingrediants and do not need a strange little smatchet following me just because we accidentally made a grab for the same item!"

"Don't say that again!" A new voice rang. Rad was holding KO, covering his ears, before he marched over to the girl.

"D-don't say what again?"

"Don't say that word!"

"What word?"

"The…the SM-word."

The girl gave him a roll of her eyes and an "are-you-serious" face. "What, smatche-" she was cut off by a slap to her face.

"We are allowed to teach customers a lesson if they do not adhear to the rules!" Rad shouted.

She gave him an indignant look. "But there's nothing wrong with sma-" Another slap. She growled. "FINE! I'LL TAKE MY MONEY ELSEWHERE! I'M NOT STAYING IN A STORE WHERE I GET SLAPPED BY SMATCHETS! YOUR WIFI SUCKS ANYWAY!"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT!" Rad shouted, throwing his food at the girl's fleeing body.

She rubbed her cheeks gingerly as she was away from the store. She looked at the other guest Wifis. "I suppose the iFrame store could work. I _do_ have that collage that I could get framed…" she walked in and began to shift her eyes from her phone to the frames. Continuing to take screenshots of cute OTP Prompts she found that she could use.

"Hello!" RMS greeted after a while. "Are you looking for something in particular?"

"Y-Yeah uh…20" by 11"."

"Oh sure, we can get that right out for you-" He saw her bruising cheeks. "What happened?"

"Oh, I was shopping for ingrediants for my favorite food when all of the sudden I get approached by this wizard."

"And he caused your cheeks to bruise?"

"No, he tried to turn me to stone."

"Figures."

"And I scolded him and I called him a smatchet which caused everyone to freak out." She glanced over at RMS who looked shocked. "I know right!?"

"Never use that word in this store!"

The author rolled her eyes. "Oh for the love of Pete…not you too!"

"If there's one thing I care about, it's food." Brendan said from the back. "BUT I DO NOT APPROVE OF THAT LANGUAGE!"

"Oh, but you approve of beating down a child's emotions who's already most likely emtionally oppressed by his mother and is a practical ticking time bomb!?"

"I WAS HUNGRY!"

"AND THIS IS ABOUT AN IMPOLITE CUSTOMER," RMS declared to the author. "NOT ABOUT BRENDAN'S WEIRD DISORDER."

"Wait, he suffers from a disorder?"

"JUST GET OUT!"

"But I still want to buy-"

"WE SAID GET OUT!" They began to throw things at the author, causing her to flee.

"Ugh…this is just great. I'm bleeding, and getting bruises on my face and back. And here I thought the School for Good and Evil mentality reigned here…" She sighed and began to rub her back, just trying to make her way out of the plaza area.

"Oh dear," a soft voice spooked her. "You seem to be in pain."

"You have _no idea_." She glanced to see some of the fandom's favorite characters. Nick Army and Jeff the Monk.

"Do you need someone to heal you?" Jeff asked.

"Or someone to beat up those who hurt you?" Nick cracked his knuckles.

She cracked her back in response. "No, I don't think you guys can help me.…unless you can tell me why everyone is afraid of the word: smatchet?"

Jeff gasped like a biblical soccer mom being told that her son was failing English. "HOW DARE YOU!?" There was another smack to her face, a backhand that sent her spiraling to the ground and her nose to start to bleed.

She grunted in pain.

"Woah, Jeff, calm down." Nick tried.

"No! She's saying that word when there are children around!"

The author scrambled away from the two arguing males, leaning herself over so that way her bloody wouldn't gush back into her throat and make her vomit. It made a trail on the ground and she shivered from all the abuse she was getting.

She ran into the arcade, keeping to the corners trying to find the Ladies room. She eventually came across it and ran inside bleeding into a toilet from her face. She dug in her bag that she carried that was made from an antique bag and duct-tape and found her waterbottle. Taking sips from the straw, she made herself no longer feel light-headed and eventually headed out with her nostrils blood free, which took a while.

It was around 2:00 when she finally got out and when she did, she made her way to try and get around the plaza, as the parking lot had filled up with fights. She felt on the brink of crying, which it didn't help that she was emotional and needed chocolate. She was caught trying to escape by some of the characters that beat her up earlier, followed by Carol.

"Well, this is not going to be good." She mumbled.

"That's the girl who said the sm- word in front of KO!" Rad pointed.

"Did she really?" Carol raised an eyebrow

"She also said that you emotionally oppressed KO!" RMS declared.

"Yup, defininally not going to be good." The author said to the audience.

"Are you insinuating that I'm not taking care of my son well?"

The author shrugged. Might as well get as much entertainment out for her audience as she can and state her true opinion about Carol as a mother. "I'm saying that you're not taking care of TKO, and since I see KO and TKO as the same person with TKO being KO's emotions he doesn't want to feel, KO is most likely emotionally oppressed either by his own standards or by someone else who raises him. Considering he's spent 6-11 years living with you with no real friends as stated by his first ever video he made for his YouTube channel, KOPowCardFan11, or paternal figure as he says he doesn't have a dad but has a mom who can beat up anyone and essentially got a smatchet of a twin emo teen brother living inside of his head, Yes. I am insinu-" She was cut off by a blow to her gut, the rest of her words being turned into a disgusting garbling noise.

"No one should insult Carol." Rad said.

* * *

After a long beating, the author ended up in a full burrito body cast in about five minutes.

Whining pathetically, the author tried to drag themselves from the "Wait, I need to play this." She said to herself as she inched away. From her phone blared lyrics: "CRAWLING IN MY SKIN! THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL!"

She inshed like a worm all the way across the street to Box-More still whining pathetically as she just made her way through the factory.

She was stopped by Shannon.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Shannon inquired.

"A pathetic person."

"More like a pathetic villain. Let me guess, the heroes of the plaza beat you up?"

The author cried in confirmation.

"Figures. So you came here for advice?"

"Actually, I came to you guys with a question."

"About how to be a better villain?" Raymond asked as the robot siblings gathered around."

"I was actually wondering why people hated the word smatchet."

Another gasp was earned for the word.

"Let me guess, you're not going to tell me?"

"FIRE HER OUT OF THE DARREL CANNON!" Ernesto cried out.

"Yup. I'm being left in the dark." She began to ramble ona bout how smatchet shouldn't be treated this way as they loaded her up and fired her out the roof. Like their father.

* * *

Ms. Quantum was just grading papers, giving everyone their well earned Fs with a sigh.

Suddenly through the window came the author, barreling into the classroom. The author landed on the far side of the room, looking completely and utterly broken. "wwaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" She cried out.

"Ugh." Ms. Quantum sighed. She called an ambulance and waited for the time for it to show up.

Around this time, Principle Clause came in to see the ruined author. "Oh my, what happened here?"

"I got beat up by ev'ryone…" The author groaned.

"How unfortunate." Ms. Quantum said plainly.

"What for?" Pricible Clause asked.

"Ms. Quantum," The author began, "You're an English teacher, right?"

"I have to teach my students all the subjects!"

"So…can I ask you a vocabulary question?"

"Of course, we can chat while the ambulance gets here."

"Do you know what smatchet means?"

Ms. Quantum and the Principal glared at the author. "That's a very naughty word." The principal declared.

"Please don't suspend me from school."

"You don't deserve that." Ms. Quantum sniffed. Her shoulders turned into cannon like things.

The author merely sighed before being fired out of the school, screaming like Sr. Pelo.

She was sent clear over to the outskirts of one of the cities in the Danger Zone. She broke down and started to cry, managing to turn her body on its side. Her body was comically broken, blood slightly coming out of her nose and her limbs in squiggles. The only words she could manage were, "those filthy smatchets!"

She continued to lay there until she heard a voice. "HEY! GET UP AND OUTTA MY WAY!"

She wasn't going to take that. "You know what? I deserve this! I DESERVE TO FUCKING LIE DOWN AND FEEL BAD FOR MYSELF FOR TRYING TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD, AND I DON'T NEED SMATCHETS LIKE YOU TO TRY AND RUN ME OVER WHEN I'M ALREADY DOWN!"

There was a pause. "Eh, I've been called worse."

"Wait, really?" The author brough up her head to see a small greet rat girl that she knew as. "Oh, you're Fink!"

"Yeah. Guessing you know my boss?" She said proudly.

"Oh, do I!" The author got up. "I have heard so many things from the fandom!"

"Fandom? Don't tell me you're a-"

"I'm a writer."

"Wow! And here I thought that assitant teacher was crazy! But you're real! Do you have a God Quill?"

"Not on me, otherwise I wouldn't be so injured that I can't even crawl."

Fink thought for a moment. "I'm going to kidnap you."

"Yeah, that seems pretty villanous. And you're probably not going to tell me what you're going to do because Prof. Venemous isn't exactly a monolouger."

"Shut up." Fink commanded as she began to drag the author by her ankle.

* * *

After a rough drag across the grungy sidewalk and apartmen floors and stairs, they made their way to Fink's home, where she opened the door. "BOSS! I'M HOME!" Fink shouted. "AND I KIDNAPPED SOMEONE!"

"How much are they worth?" Prof. Venemous asked. "And are you sure that's not a corpse."

"No sir, I am not a corpse. Unfortunately, I am a writer that had her God Quill stolen by her sister. I'll probably be getting it back as soon as she posts a chapter on one of her stories…Which could take anywhere from 15 minutes from now to several weeks and at the very most a few months."

"But you have a God Quill?"

"Yes. But it can only be used by the writer, the writer's mentors, or relatives of the writer. Every writier has one, but can recreate if they lose it using another person's God Quill."

"Awfully specific."

"You need to be awfully specific with Magical MacGuffins. And…can I stay with you guys until I get better?"

"What?"

"I mean, I know you guys won't call the ambulance because that's too heroic, and you could possibly get a fan of villains instead of heroes. Even though I'm crazy about Gothem City Sirens and Loki. Though, I think I'll always have a soft spot for both. I don't know…I'm rambling. Plus, I don't think anyone in that plaza know what the fuck smatchet means."

"Wouldn't be surprised." Venemous shrugged. "Anyway, we'll just wait until you get your God Quill back. Until then you're nothing but a useless hostage waiting for ransom."

"Better than being forced to kill one of my friends and being trapped in a hole."

"Of course, we're villains, not monsters."

* * *

 **Smatchet - (n) a small, nasty person.**

 **The only reason that this is rated M is because I used the word "boned" in the summary.**


End file.
